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I'm going to be honest and candid today.
Because I think I ought to be on such a blog.
I'm not about portraying just the comfortable ideal.
I'd rather be real.
Quite often, I do wonder if all this is too much. I enjoy the animals and the garden, I really do! A friend watching me with the animals remarked later how she could see the joy I have tending them. Fact is, I can do it. I can handle it....them. But couple that with everything else and I wonder if I am making myself stronger, or heading for burn out.
Then, I remind myself, it is the busiest time of year. There's harvest, the animals, winter preparations, homeschooling, and our unique life situations such as illnesses and auto repairs. I've had a lot thrust upon me that no one could have planned for or foreseen.
So, part of the garden lays unharvested and I feel that guilty twinge of
Am I doing enough?
Could I work harder?
or
Am I failing at this?
Will I be able to sustain our micro farm (mostly single-handedly) and be able to care for my children, my husband.....myself?
They love the animals and help where they can. It is a good learning experience. They've been champions and hubby is impressed with me.
But, I honestly have prayed that if it is taking away from my family, I am willing to sell out and stop. Regroup, refocus, maybe try again another time.
But, I don't have the answer.
What I do have are animals depending on me and a harvest wrapping up.
I have weak days.
I have strong days.
I have today.
It's going to be okay:) Do what you can and if you can't do it ll, then let somethings go. Sometimes we get wrapped up with perfection and really all you have to do is enjoy what you got in front of you now.
ReplyDeleteI remember those thoughts (and a surprise, they never stop!) There never is enough time or energy to get everything done that we want done and the way we want it done. I recently realized that raising turkeys is just not worth the time and $. As much as I like turkeys I now realize what a bargain a $75 grass fed organic turkey is. Sheep are so much easier to care for.
ReplyDeleteI am constantly reevaluating what I am doing and you should be too. You have a lot on your plate and only you know if the farm work is stressing you out. When caring for your outside brood brings you more grief and aggravation than joy then its time to let it go and never look back.
I don't regret giving up all the farm animals and huge garden when I was pregnant with number 4 and starting nursing school. At least I knew what I was getting into the second time around.